


Eyes Shut Denial

by bluejorts



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Frottage, Juno enby as always ofc, Other, Sex while half asleep because god they're dumb, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Nureyev, Trans Porn by Trans People, Vaginal Sex, bed sharing, just complete stupidity on that front, no communicating, repressed emotions baby, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21688261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejorts/pseuds/bluejorts
Summary: Peter Nureyev and Juno Steel fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed. They do not wake up that way, and they certainly don't talk through it.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 25
Kudos: 320





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hi i have very specific desires
> 
> possible triggers for this!  
> \- mildly dubious consent. in a real life situation this kind of thing might suck but please know that although they start off sleeping, not only would they have retroactively given consent but all actions once awake are enthusiastic and wanted. There is nothing predatory or assault based within this, but I did want to give prior warning.  
> \- Nureyev is trans and this fic includes vaginal sex. I refer to his genitals usually either as 'dick' or as his 'entrance' or 'hole' however there is one point where the word 'labia' is used.  
> \- uh,,,, sex. It's sex. all of it. Pls enjoy

* * *

Peter Nureyev has never woken up easily. He's one for becoming semi-conscious for a long period before actually waking up. He thinks this may be his downfall.

He half wakes to arms wrapped around his waist and a hot, soft body against his back. In the state he's in, it doesn't really register - nor matter - to him _whose_ body that is, especially not when he presses back into his bedfellow and feels a short, thick, _hard_ length against his ass. There's a flutter in his gut and he, without thinking, adjusts his position so that it fits more snugly against him and falls back into a state closer to sleep, with a small amount of arousal simmering in his gut. He's still not quite sleeping, so when the warmth moves from behind him he's startled back to almost lucidity. He turns clumsily to face… whoever, and cuddles himself up against their chest. They're so _warm_ , and he drapes himself over them like a moth to a flame, leg over their waist and head tucked into their neck. In return he feels hot, broad hands slide under his shirt, the fingers of one catching in the waistband of his shorts. There's another burst of arousal in him that sinks into his skin. He makes a small noise and moves slightly, just enough that the person's little finger slips under his waistband and he feels the hardness in their pants against the top of his thigh. 

With the intoxicating wave of arousal running through him, he rubs his leg upwards. The person under him breathes a half-moan on their next exhale and the hand slipping under his shorts moves just a little lower, stroking clumsily over the (slight, but still there) curve of his ass. 

He feels an ache in his dick, a want for some kind of attention, and ruts lazily against the leg of the person underneath him. Nice thick thighs, he thinks. He's half in a dream, now, and he's not sure how much is reality. In his dream, the person under him is Juno. He's not thought it through that much, but it's a nice thought, especially as the one wide hand pushes against his ass encouragingly, inviting him to rub against his leg. In his dream, Juno is naked under him, and the hardness he feels under his thigh is bare. He runs his hand over his chest and it's bare, too. Soft skin and soft, curly hair over his pecs. 

He presses his lips against their throat and feels them gasp under him. It's a sweet sound, Juno makes such _lovely_ noises, he remembers. And he softly kisses. It's messy and tired but Juno slides his hand deeper into Nureyev's shorts and palms at his ass as Nureyev rocks against him. He makes a little sound when Nureyev's leg pushes against his cock and it sits warm and buzzing in Nureyev's stomach. 

Clumsily, he pulls himself more onto Juno. He tries to slide his leg between the other's, but there's the height difference to contend with, and the fact that he _really_ doesn't want to remove his face from the crook of Juno's neck, so it ends up being that Juno's cock is against his stomach, while Nureyev rubs himself off against his lower thigh. 

Nureyev's lips part, and he slowly presses his teeth into Juno's neck. Juno, in return, gasps and wraps his arm around Nureyev's waist to roll his hips against his stomach. Nureyev's shirt has started to hitch up, and he tries to, without making it obvious, pull it upwards. 

Juno seems to catch on, and he pulls it up and helps to tug it over Nureyev's head.

He's awake. He has to acknowledge that fact now. That Nureyev is awake and Juno is awake and it _is_ Juno under him right now. And he remembers why they're in the hotel in the first place for this robbery and how in their last heart to heart he'd come to the conclusion that Juno just doesn't want him any more so this is - it's strange, and he doesn't want to talk about it yet. So he keeps his eyes shut and leaves the light off and acts as though he never woke up and this is all a fantasy of his still. That feels safer. 

Juno discards his tee somewhere on the bed bedside them and Nureyev buries his face again in his neck and licks up Juno's throat. Juno breathes another soft moan, just quiet enough that it seems to settle below the thick night air. His hands - both of them now - push into Nureyev's shorts and grab at his ass to pull him against his thigh. Juno isn't usually so demanding, not so dominant, but Nureyev isn't complaining, especially not when one of Juno's hands slips lower between his legs and calloused fingers swipe at his wetness. 

Nureyev might whimper a little. There's something base in him right now that he feels against his ribs. He rocks back a little and feels the way Juno's fingers are pushed just that little bit against his entrance. 

He gasps, and shivers. It's not something he usually wants, not what he usually even thinks about, but he still feels a little entranced, a little risque in the dream state at the back of his mind. He spreads his legs a little and just _hopes_ Juno gets it. 

Fingers stray lower, rubbing against his dick, and Juno ruts against his stomach. Nureyev has to tilt his head to gasp, to breathe air that isn't hot from being trapped in the space between him and his - and Juno. He rolls his hips into Juno's fingers, and feels a hunger for more contact. Lifting his torso just a little with one arm, he silently tugs at Juno's waistband until he lifts his hips and Nureyev is able to lower it and free his cock. He lowers himself back down, and arousal punches through him when he now feels Juno's bare, hot length against his stomach. Now, moving his hips, he feels the way Juno's foreskin moves over him, caught between them by the friction of skin on skin. Nureyev feels _everything_ against his stomach. The roughness of his hair, the heat of his skin, the throb of veins below the surface. His mouth starts watering and he's so caught up in it, fading into this world where all that exists are the points of contact between them, that he's almost caught off guard when Juno's thumb presses against his opening. He lets his moan fall into the pillows and sinks down willingly onto it, ignoring the discomfort of a slightly sharp fingernail to focus on the feeling of having something inside him like this. 

Juno starts moving his thumb, starting up a rhythm that Nureyev matches with the way he moves his hips, languid and slow enough that it sends maddening fire through Nureyev alongside the cock against his stomach. He - shit - he wants that inside him. He wants Juno inside him. It's such a rarity, so often he _wants_ for being inside others. He enjoys it, being the one to take, to sink inside and open up and _wreck_ , really. (Especially, in his very minimal experience, when it comes to Juno.) But right now the idea of Juno _taking_ him feels illicit and dirty and so. _So_ fucking hot. 

He rocks back on Juno's thumb but it's pulled out of him. He makes a needy noise into Juno's throat and wants to bite down, but that would change the mood too much, so he instead kisses messily up to Juno's ear and sighs when he feels a finger replacing the thumb, and then groans a second later when another finger is added and Juno fucks against his stomach. 

Nureyev runs his nails gently over Juno's chest, under his shirt, and feels himself wet to the point of almost dripping around Juno's fingers in response to the resulting moan. 

He lets Juno push his shorts down, and kicks them off when they're too low to be pushed any further. His eyes are still shut, and he leaves them that way even as he sits up to straddle Juno. He's not ready for consequence. Juno's cock sits between his labia and he ruts along it, moving his hips in a slow circle that runs his dick up and down the length of it. It feels divine, so he does it again, slicking up Juno's length as he does and forcing soft moans out of the both of them. He keeps going, and speeds up to the point where he's breathing heavy and shaking a little with the feeling. Then he decides he's had enough, that he _needs_. 

He lifts his hips, lines Juno up, and only then does he open his eyes. He's frozen in place for a second. Juno is staring up at him with that one dark eye. Moonlight streams through the window and brushes over his body like silver and Nureyev can't breathe. Juno's lips are parted and his hands are fisted in the sheets, and his knuckles turn white as Nureyev sinks down onto his cock. He can't really focus on the visual for a moment, distracted as the head of Juno's cock breaches him fully and he feels the rest of him follow and stretch and fill. 

His hands are shaking now, pressed against Juno's chest to steady himself as he adjusts. One of Juno's comes up to cover one of his, warm and wide even though it's not quite big enough to cover him fully. Nureyev feels so _full_. 

After a minute, he rolls his hips experimentally and Juno gasps. With his eyes open, Nureyev can see the response, how his breath hitches beforehand and his eye flutters shut for a second. 

He lifts up and feels the sweet friction of the cock inside him sliding almost all the way out, and then rolls his hips on the way down and feels a light bump against his g-spot. It's enough to make him whimper and again, he feels himself get wetter. He moves again, picks up a little speed and starts fucking himself in earnest on Juno's cock, watching through half lidded eyes every response of the person under him. He manages to angle himself so that Juno's cock presses against his g-spot constantly, pushing moans out of him that mix with Juno's in the air and gradually swell as he comes closer and closer to release. Juno starts fucking up into him as well, burying himself to the hilt. He tugs Nureyev down by the shoulder and their lips meet for what Nureyev realises is the first time. It's a desperate kiss, spurred on by the pace Juno has sped into, a race to the finish that Nureyev feels coming too. He shakily moves one hand from the front of Juno's shirt and starts rubbing at his dick with two fingers. The extra friction has him moaning needy things into Juno's lips, which are returned in kind when Juno speeds up further and wraps his arms around Nureyev like he can't get him close enough.

Nureyev is so _close_ . So fucking _close_. He whimpers, and moans, and speaks for the first time in hours.

" _Juno_." Is all he says, high and pleading and with no other reason than he can't think of anything else.

It's all Juno seems to need. He chokes on air and Nureyev feels warmth spilling out inside him. Somehow, that's hotter than just Juno fucking him, the feeling of his release deep within. Nureyev keeps rolling his hips and rubbing frantically at his dick until a moment later he feels his orgasm hit and he forces Juno's cock as deep inside himself as possible as he shakes through it.

They lie there for a good ten minutes, until Nureyev gets uncomfortable with something inside him and gently pulls Juno out, and then they lie for longer. Nureyev feels come spilling lazily out of his hole, and his dick twitches delightedly at the feeling. Eventually, though, he gets up to tidy himself. He stands bedside the bed for a moment, decides that he's already done something pretty stupid tonight, and why not add to the list, and he leans back down to kiss Juno softly on the cheek. 

Then he escapes to the bathroom, pees in the dark and cleans as much of what's leaking from him as he can, and goes back to the bed with a fresh roll of toilet paper to offer Juno. He hears tissue being pulled off and Juno cleaning himself up, and lies on his side pretending that he's not slowly filling up with anxiety.

After he's done cleaning, Juno's side of the bed goes quiet. Nureyev closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep again. There's a rustling

"Hey, Nureyev?" Juno whispers. His voice comes from just behind Nureyev's ear. 

"...Juno?"

"Can I - is it okay if I hold you right now? I - that was - I want to stay close to you."

Nureyev feels very small in the moment. With his eyes closed he feels the universe around him like a huge, unknowable being. 

"Yes please." He says. 

"Would you face me, please?"

Nureyev turns wordlessly. He feels Juno's breath in his face and arms come cautiously to wrap around him. He takes a deep breath and wiggles closer to bury his face in Juno's chest. 

In the morning he'll talk about it, try to find out what it meant to Juno. For now, he sneaks his hands onto Juno's stomach under his shirt and pretends that he's allowed to keep this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look COMMUNICATION we stan
> 
> possible tw: brief body horror and gore; nureyev thinks about what juno's eye looked like when he lost it. this lasts for one sentence and is easily skipped over

Juno is still holding him. 

It comes as a surprise, really. When Nureyev wakes this time he goes through the process of realising where he is far faster, and as soon as the fact registers - that he's wrapped up in Juno's arms and they're almost nose to nose- he tenses up. He opens his eyes.

Juno isn't awake. Nureyev could leave, now. Go down for the breakfast service and wait for Juno to wake and join him. It's not like it would be the _first time_ one of them has left the other alone in a hotel room. 

He sighs. 

He rubs a circle into Juno's back, his hands still under his shirt. He's always so warm, no matter where Nureyev touches him. He remembers that from their first meeting; taking Juno's hand in his own and feeling the heat of him. 

He tilts his head back to see Juno's face better. He looks younger in his sleep, all the hard lines of tension gone. His good eye is shut serenely, and the space where the other used to be is covered with a cotton patch. Nureyev shudders at the thought of the last time he saw under the patch, the blood falling like tears down Juno's cheek from an eye more burst vessels than anything else. 

As he shivers, he feels Juno's arms tighten around him, pulling him closer. He nuzzles forward and presses his face into Nureyev's clavicle. Nureyev feels his heart ache. Juno presses a sleepy kiss there, and then in an instant there's tension through him. Body rigid and afraid. 

An anxious laugh bubbles up from Nureyev's stomach.

"Good morning." He says, because what the fuck. Why not. 

Juno shuffles back, still holding him but now able to meet his eye (not that he does). 

"Good morning." He parrots back. 

And then they're stuck. There's a conversation that needs having, but that would require one of them to start it. Yes, Nureyev knows that should be him. He was the one to implicate the events of last night, but he's also found his current alias an identity as a _coward_ in the time since he awoke. 

Juno opens his mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. He lies there, breath held and lips moving just slightly, like he's trying to coax the words towards them. It makes Nureyev's stomach twist a little.

"I'm sorry." Nureyev blurts. 

Juno just looks at him.

"I shouldn't have - it was incredibly inappropriate of me last night to continue my actions after I awoke."

Juno still just looks at him. 

"I should have had better control over myself. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured to -"

"No." Juno interrupts. "No, no. Wait."

Nureyev waits.

"I - I don't want you to be sorry." Juno starts. "If you, uh, still feel the need to apologise then I accept that, but I'm not - you didn't do anything wrong."

Nureyev opens his mouth to tell him that he very much _did_ do something wrong but Juno doesn't let him get a word in.

"I'm not saying we shouldn't have _talked_ about it. That was dumb. But that wasn't just on you. I didn't - I wasn't pressured by that - by you. You didn't make me do anything I didn't already want to."

Nureyev blinks. This is… unexpected. How straightforward Juno is being about all this. 

"I liked that. Last night." Juno continues. "But I - look, Nureyev, I am still in love with you, okay? I can't just - I can't just do things like that in dark rooms and not acknowledge them after." He smiles a little, sadly. "I'm on kinda a health kick, right now, and that's just not healthy."

Nureyev's head is still reeling with that admission of _love_. Juno is..? Still..? 

"In love." He breathes. 

He feels Juno's heart skip where his hands are still pressed against his back.

"I - I mean. Uh." There's a panicked look in the white of his eye.

"You - you're in love with me?"

"I - yes - but I'm not going to, like, make it into a _thing_. I didn't mean it to make you feel -" 

"You're in _love_ with me." 

Nureyev's heart feels like it's swelling and bursting at the same time. He has no idea what he feels. There's a large part of him that wants to just lean forward and kiss the confession from Juno's lips. But he doesn't know if Juno wants that right now.

He clears his throat. "Juno, I -"

"It's okay, don't worry, I'll - I won't bring it up." Juno's arms flinch away from his shoulders, as if he just remembered they were there. He goes to clamber out of the bed but Nureyev holds him tight in place. 

Another anxious laugh escapes him. "You were just talking about healthy behaviour, Juno. I don't think trying to escape my response counts." 

Juno laughs back, just as tense as everything else about him. "No, uh, I guess not." 

"I am also still in love with you." Nureyev says. The words come out as a fact and he feels like he's just spat his beating heart out onto the pillow between them. "I - I made a mistake last night in not communicating with you, but I was scared that if I did - if I told you that I wanted - wanted you back, I would be rejected. It wasn't mature of me, and it could have caused us both a lot of harm. And that's what I'm sorry for. I'm - I also liked last night." 

Juno is quiet for a long moment, but Nureyev feels the tension seeping out of him. He's got his brow furrowed and it looks like he's searching for something in Nureyev's face. 

"Can I kiss you?" He asks. 

Nureyev really wants to say yes. He does. But he knows there's something that will bother him if he does.

"Please brush your teeth first?" 

"You can say no." Juno reassures him.

"I'm saying yes. I just can't stand the taste of someone's mouth when they've just woken up." 

Juno blinks. And then he laughs. 

It's a loud laugh, one that catches Nureyev off guard. It seems to push it's way out of Juno's mouth until he's snorting helplessly and pushing his face sideways into the pillow to muffle it. Nureyev finds himself grinning, smiling so wide it hurts. He feels every ounce of stress and worry leave Juno, and his own tension is pulled out of him with every laugh. It's beautiful. The noise, his face, the way he grabs at Nureyev's back as he tries to stop his mirth. 

"I'll - I'll get on that then." He wheezes. He rolls onto his back and Nureyev watches. "Want me to chuck you your toothbrush?" 

It's such a sweet question. Nureyev's grin widens. "Please."

Juno rolls again and sits with his legs hanging over the side of the bed. He pauses there and looks around at Nureyev for a second, expression pondering. Then he leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek. 

He escapes off into the bathroom and Nureyev lies there, cheek tingling, heart so _full_ he thinks it could stop.

Juno Steel is still in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> juno: im being healthy heres a monologue on my feelings  
> pee: time for me to respond!  
> juno: AIIGHT IMMA HEAD OUT
> 
> find me on tumblr @ nurgayev!

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise if any of that was disconnected or weird i wrote this at 2am on three different days and managed to fall asleep each time. 
> 
> If you liked it, pls hit me up on tumblr @ nurgayev!
> 
> I will write another chapter at some point of their conversation but rest assured that Juno wanted all of that and wants Nureyev more than anything.
> 
> ALSO ADDITIONALLY don't be stupid like these two: you should NEVER have unprotected sex with someone unless you know for a fact neither of you have any stis!! and get tested again after every new sexual partner!!! this is fantasy and space herpes doesn't exist but it DOES in the real world


End file.
